Blind sided
Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:49PM By Lynn Selich
My brother WallyLast night, like millions of people all over the world, I watched the Oscars. And, probably like most of you, was a little surprised that Sandra Bullock won Best Actress over some of Hollywood’s most prized talent. But, in my head I did a little victory dance for Ms. Bullock, because I loved the movie “The Blind Side.” In the movie, Sandra Bullock portrays the feisty Leigh Anne Tuohy, who along with her family adopts a compromised young black man from the projects of Memphis who eventually goes on to play for the NFL’s Baltimore Ravens. It’s a touching movie that we can all relate to on some level.
However, I was moved by the movie for reasons that I hope many who’ve seen it will never experience.
You see, in 1989 my younger brother and only sibling, Wally, was shot and killed in a suburb of Los Angeles – and it just so happened that the man who murdered him is African-American. I refer to my brother’s killer as E51571, his State of California Department of Corrections prison number. The good news, based on the chilling transcripts I received from his recent parole hearing, is that he will likely die in prison serving out his 25-to-life-without-possibility-of-parole sentence. Like the movie, this is not a story about race, it is a story about what can happen when someone looks out for another’s blind side, or not.
When I was younger, and much more naïve, I wanted to understand why this man had done what he had done to our family. Surely, I thought, someone had horribly abused or neglected him along the way to the point that he became capable of killing another human being without regard. Over the years of trying to cope with unexplainable, unthinkable loss, I considered reaching out to E51571 to see if perhaps he had a family on the outside that would suffer from his incarceration, and that his legacy would not only be destroying our family, but that of his own. I was convinced that his children would be destined to live his same fate simply because there was no one watching their “blind side.” And because I believe in what the movie “The Blind Side” espouses – that kindness can and does change the lives of people who find themselves compromised in our society – I thought I might make a difference. I thought about all the men like E51571 and their families, and wanted to make a positive impact on their potential. For wouldn’t they too grow up with the same propensity and end up becoming criminals? Would their kids grow up to kill my kids?
In my naivete, I felt that out of the ashes of sorrow and anger would rise a phoenix that would swoop down and try and change the course of someone who might inflict the result of their neglect on innocent others.
I called and consulted with a slew of proper authorities, and was told flat out that my ideas to “help” E51571 or his family in any way, shape or form was not at all recommended. I was told he is not remorseful; that he is in denial of his actions. That in fact, he does not take advantage of the many programs offered to prisoners by the state of California to rehabilitate and educate themselves, to better themselves despite their past transgressions. And what about his family? No matter which direction I tried to head the conversation, they did not have any information of that nature, and they could only divulge certain aspects of his file directly related to my brother’s murder.
Finally, I gave up my idea, and went back to living my life – trying somewhat successfully to move past the horror of my parents’ anguish, and the thought of living without my brother ... to live a happy, fulfilling life. And over the years, I have used my pent up frustration and sorrow by turning my energy into volunteer hours, secure in the knowledge that even if I didn’t ever find out who, or when, or how, that I probably would impact someone along the way and help them to make choices to become a better person.
Wally and Lynn, 1989When I watched “The Blind Side,” I learned of a story with an ending I wished mine had. Alas, mine is not a Hollywood movie. But in a way, that movie did help me reconcile my struggle to understand what happens to kids like Mike Oher when they are left to fend for themselves in a world hell bent on destroying their character, when no one is watching their “blind side.” The movie reveals that sometimes there is truth in the saying, 'that in our own way each of us can make a choice to positively impact another person'.
I can only hope there are more people out there like the Tuohys, who if given the opportunity, will help give kids like Mike Oher a chance at becoming a success in life instead of another E51571.
Lynn Selich resides in Newport Beach. Her weekly column runs every Monday. She can be reached at lynnselich@roadrunner.com.
Blind Sided in Lynn Selich
Reader Comments (9)
Wow! I certainly wasn't prepared for this when I began reading your article about the Oscars. What a generous spirit to reach out to a criminal who gave so much grief. I'm glad you were discouraged by the authorities and went on to live a productive life, giving back through volunteers.
Dear Lynn:
That was a beautiful article. What a gift you have to express your true feelings so thoughtfully.
Dear Lynn,
What an amazing story. I too have just one sibling and I cannot even imagine losing her, nor can I imagine what you and your family went through. Your story imspires us to appreciate what we have. Thank you so much for sharing it.
Beautiful article and tribute to your brother and to your kind spirit and capacity for forgiveness and empathy. I have mountains of memories of growing up with you and Wally and the countless times we laughed and played together. He was a darling boy and I am grieved that his life was cut short. I will be in hopes that someday, the man who ended Wally's life will come to the place you've set for him in this story.
Very moving Lynn - and I'm truly sorry you lost your brother. Your words and story are moving and inspiring. Thank you for sharing with us all.
Your sensitivity regarding the development of a person's values and character is beyond words. Yes...I too feel that there are those individuals out there who would turn out differently if only they were given the chance. Your brother's killer was obviouisly not one of them. Thank you for your remarkable insight Lynn. You write beautifully....from the soul!
Thank you Lynn for sharing such a private and painful memory. There is a Japanese proverb that says the smoothest stone achieves that luster from being tumbled through the steepest and roughest waters. You have emerged compassionate despite that undeserved tragedy.
This was a heartfelt story, my friend.
Hey man Very inspiring article. basicall,I am a .Net programmer. But earlier I I wanted to be a system programmer. But I could not succeeded in that field. When I read this article It inspire me about system programming. Please provide me good site where I could read such articles. vkatks vkatks - Moncler jakke Salg.
I like the writing structure of your blog and it does a pretty decent job of presenting the material. gfgvsf gfgvsf - Belstaff Chaquetas Venta.